Reworked Query Letter

 This is my reworked query after Matt's comments and very helpful tips. His blog is here.

Sixteen year old, Adam Novak lives in Springfield, Illinois, which is run by a vicious business man. His favorite class in school is History of the Superhero. He would love to learn exactly why the heroes deemed humanity unfit to be protected. On the 16^th anniversary of the superhuman exodus, Adam and his friends take a walk in the woods to discover a long forgotten base.

Soon afterwords, all of them begin to develop superpowers. While some are afraid, all of them use their powers to fight against the oppressive regime of the business man. Faced with powers they do not totally understand, Adam and his friends have a hard time. They are easily defeated by a being, who has been waiting for new superheroes to emerge. As the forces threatening their lives and those of their families close in, Adam and his friends will need to make a desperate gamble if they are to see tomorrow.

Complete at 60000 words. HEROES: REINCARNATION is the first book in an epic superhero story.

My query for WriteOnCon

Super heroes used to exist. They protected society from the threats of super villains and mad scientists. People used to look to them for safety. One day, seventeen years ago, everything changed. The heroes accused the rest of the world of being lazy and deemed it undeserving of their protection. 

Sixteen-year-old Mark Novak lives in Springfield,Illinois, which is run by an demented man. He is an ordinary boy whose favorite class in school is History of the Superhero and has a huge crush on a new girl. One walk into the woods with his friends changes his destiny forever. 

Mark and his friends start to develop powers after a chance encounter with a hidden base in the forest. Even though they barely understand what is happening, they will be forced to face down threats from science gone horribly wrong and the consequences a few acts of standing up for ones self can cause. Along the way, they begin to uncover the answers behind the disappearance of the heroes and that they may not be the heroes everyone thought they would be. Mark and his friends are faced with a choice. Use their powers and save their failing city or standby and let things take their natural course.